Not Ready for Easter

An existential dread has crept in me for the next few days.

Ok, it’s not that serious, but lent has flown by. Despite giving myself challenges that I had serious doubts if I could accomplish…

After Easter, I can go back to eating meat. I can eat cheese. I can have oyster sauce in my fried rice again. I can have sushi. But I don’t know that I’m ready to go back to all that. I don’t know that I’m ready to go back to having egg in my bread again. Sure, you’re thinking, he can just stay vegan. Maybe…

But I love Mexican food and a number of other things that would put me back on the path away from staying vegan, but that’s not the big problem. The problem is being social, which can on occasion require eating meat.

It’s funny because most people think I miss meat or cheese or eggs, and I don’t. I had no idea if I could make it even 3 days. The longest I’d ever tried staying vegan was one day. That was a few weeks before Ash Wednesday, and I had barely any time to get the shopping done to prep for lent. My mom cast serious doubts on my ability to do it, and my wife thought I’d be a weakened husk of a man. She thought I’d quit from feeling anemic.

To be fair, I left myself plenty of outs.

I told myself that I’d quit if I got too hungry, how much of an open end is that? I told myself I’d quit if I felt week or too tired. I told myself I’d quit if I stopped liking the flavor of B12 supplements – by the way, anyone know where the B12 comes from? I told myself I’d quit if people had me over for supper and offered me something tasty. The five families I ate with were gracious enough to cook something vegan. Even my in-laws didn’t make me feel stupid for giving it a try (and boy howdy could they have if they wanted to).

So, now, after 45 days, I don’t know that I’m ready to quit tomorrow. I don’t feel like I’ve missed out or been deprived. Sure, I know that tomorrow afternoon, I’ll accept some hospitality and have meat again and some eggs in the cup cakes. But I’ll miss it.

Perhaps it wasn’t that hard because this was a true experience of God’s grace satisfying me in ways I didn’t expect. The more I think about it, the more I do feel this was an experience of satisfaction that comes from God. I did it to challenge myself to lean upon him more, and that’s just what happened.

But now I find myself in the place of the hymn writer “I’d stay in the garden with him, though the night around us be falling, and he bids me go through the voice of woe…” Why leave? Because he says so for now? But the parting is ne’er sweet.

P.S. Thank God for Oreos (Vegan for some strange reason).

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About Sean Smith

Husband, Father, Pastor, Swimmer, Writer, Reader, and attempted Adventurer!
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